Consequences of Frequent Overindugence

So this morning I wake up at 6 a.m. as I normally do. I walk outside for my morning cigarette, and I see the dog sitting in the middle of the yard staring straight up. Thinking there is a bird or a squirrel that has caught her attention I ignore it for a few minutes until I noticed that she did not move a muscle or turn her gaze the slightest bit which she would have done where she focused on a small creature moving around so I go to the dog, and look straight up. Thirty feet in the air there is a dog-tow, a rope with a red rubber ball on it, dangling from the branches approximately thirty feet in the air.

The dog has had this tow for a few years now, and it is one of her favorites. How it ever got thirty feet up a tree is beyond me, but I did see the cat sitting on a lawn chair with a smug, "What now, B*%#^#@" look on his face.

I send the animals back into the house and take the kids wiffle ball to try and knock the toy down. If you're ever faced with a situation where you need to knock something from a tree do not use a wiffle ball. ultimately ineffective. After ten minutes of chucking a wiffle ball as hard as I could at the thing i didn't hit it once and was feeling short of breath and had a cramp. "Damn, i really have let myself get out of shape," i thought to myself looking down at the round mound of fat clinging to my unfed belly.

After I caught my breath I took a mesquite log and chucked that at the dog toy - missing completely I remember thinking "Dammit - I can't hit anything" But, then the log started coming down; it landed smack dab on top of the dog tow which made a bee-line to the earth, but now there is a mesquite log, thirty feet in an oak tree over the middle of the backyard where two small children, two dogs, one cat, and one particularly out of shape woman play.

Dragging the ladder out from the garage, around the house, and then to the middle of the back yard was also a lot of hard work. I felt weak, and really just wanted to sit down, but calling the fire department to retrieve a mesquite log from an oak tree sounded idiotic.

Climbing the ladder was harder than climbing stairs. I don't spend a lot of time on ladders, and was unsure of my balance so i was leaning towards the center of the ladder, belly and breasts kept hitting the steps.

Long story short I got the log out of the tree, put the ladder back and plopped down on the bench huffing and puffing. By the time i caught my breath my belly began to grumble for food. I looked down at it, and there it was - round, and loose, and resting on my thighs. I cannot believe I let this happen.

I mean I know i stuff often, but I used to be adamant about working out, and though I know I haven't in a long time when did I get this out of shape, and this plumpened - then I remembered buying size 16 jeans the last time I went to the store.

Was I just ignoring the fact that i was getting fat? Or was i aware and just not caring?

This morning I was wearing old yoga pants from back when I actually did yoga, and that was at least 40 to 60 pounds ago, and I was wearing a cami that I had gotten about 40 to 60 pounds ago as well. When I came back inside my oldest asked me if I was gonna have another baby!

I looked at myself in the mirror, and sure enough, in that outfit, belly and love handles pinched by too small pants, and belly bare under a too small cami, the several inches of fat clung to my middle, and I would look knocked up if it weren't for how malleable and soft I was.

The lessons learned. Wiffle balls aren't good for getting dog toys out of trees, might as well just go get the ladder the first time, being lazy and having no time for exercise makes a girl severely out of shape to the point of even tossing things in the air for ten minutes gives her a cramp, and overeating makes you fat.

Will i stop stuffing? Hell no. Will i start working out? I'm going to try to find the time to do so. I might have to work my way back up to riding bikes though. the truth is I don't mind the extra flesh my stuffing has brought on - I look at it as a sign of my pleasure, but there's no reason i should be this unfit.

If you love stuffing but don't want to end up like me, don't stuff too often, and avoid sweets, and exercise a lot more often than I do. It's really not that hard to stay fit and stuff - I did for years 'til the kids came, and i had not time anymore.